Introducing AVALANCHE (NOT TERRORISTS)
by LiulfrLokison
Summary: AVALANCHE A band, not terrorists. It's hard to explain. Especially to a SHINRA employee. (Part 7 Of the SHINRA Electric Power Company Crack)
1. Chp 1: Setting Up And Fainting Spells

_This . . . is sort of a work in progress. We came up with this idea ages ago and it's sort of been sitting in the background. Not really sure if this is going to be a one - shot or not, but it's getting posted anyway._

 _I may or may not have referenced an incident that I recall from a FFVII fic I read in the past, so if you spot it, good for you. Just saying in case someone has read that fic before and thinks I'm copying._

 _Hope you enjoy!_

 **Keith is Lokir's, Sparxie is mine. I might have inspired this from listening to music.**

Disclaimer: Any character you recognize from the franchise, belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

Sparxie was irritated. She was currently 4 inches high and stuck in the shirt collar of the very person she had come to see, simply because said person had forgotten to mention the movers arriving to shift him to First-Class quarters.

Since she was stuck in the small space (that had the odd, faint, odor of dog hair) for the foreseeable future while the person was bouncing around chattering to some people named 'Seph', 'Gen' and 'Geal', she stretched out her wings and settled in for the long haul.

And if she spread a little Fae dust down the back of the shirt she was occupying in order to cause an itch in a place a normal human had trouble reaching, than that was entirely the fault of the person that stuffed said Fae down the back of his shirt collar wasn't it?

Wasn't her fault, she was the one that kept track of all the schedules AND was the one that kept the communication lines flowing between members AND made sure that they could meet up to practice and to record their albums. Not her fault if SOMEONE forgot to mention the date the movers were coming to shift them to their new quarters.

She knew she should have checked with Keith first, instead of relying on this idiot to remember to update her on his schedule.

First chance she got, she was going to return to normal size and give him a piece of her mind, and a slap up the head, and possibly grab and wrench HIS wing and see how he likes it.

But first, she needed to find a way to sneak away from Zack without being seen.

It turned out easier than she thought.

-o0o-

 _Okay, so maybe shoving Sparky down the back of his shirt was a bad idea, but to be honest, he had panicked._

Zack was well aware of Sephiroth's laser-like eyesight, the man was a hawk at times. There was a reason why Sephiroth had broken the high scores for all the shooting games in the few local arcades that Midgar had to offer, only to be beaten by Keith who was an absolute beast with a gun.

If he had been just a second slower, Sephiroth would have certainly seen the Fae and his curiosity would have been piqued, thus cueing an explanation that neither one of them would want to give.

However, Sparxie was still pissed (Zack couldn't find any clean clothes and this one smelt the least in his mad rush to get ready for the day), and now he was trying to not look like a madman (well, more than he usually did) as he fought the urge to itch. Fae dust was the worst, it was more effective than itching powder (he had one too many run-ins with that stuff during his cadet days), and it stuck around for AGES.

"You surely must know something, Zack. You did say that you were surprised that this Sharpshooter had arrived so soon."

"I really don't want ta say, and it's impossible to beat 'em anyhow. No secrets ta his technique, nothing you don't already know or have anyway. He's simply better with guns than you."

"The statistics of such are phenomenal Zack, almost an impossibility. There must be _something_ you can tell me, surely?"

"Well, he _was_ a Turk before Hollander got his greasy paws in 'im. But no one looked for 'im when Hollander declared 'im MIA. Hojo's been helping 'im out with the nastier stuff, but the scores are all 'is. He actually broke the Turk range when he qualified the first time, and broke the _improved_ range when he went to re-qualify when Hojo found 'im."

Reno snickered in the background, causing Sephiroth to glance to the red-haired Turk with a raised eyebrow, but the tech whiz was saved when Keith turned up. Of course as the man was basically the information hub of the whole Tower and Veld trusted him to some extent (meaning a whole lot more than anyone else in SHINRA or part of the Turks), he would know more than Zack.

"Keith -"

The janitor must have already known what he was going to say, as he grabbed Sephiroth by the shoulder and gave a small smile that was strained.

"Sephiroth, if you weren't informed about this Sharpshooter, then it was for a reason. Trying to pry the information out of Zack or anyone else isn't going to help. So, I would drop the matter."

The General scowled, but gave up. If his older brother figure wasn't going to tell him, then he wasn't going to get anything.

Zack started squirming, the urge to itch just between his shoulder blades driving him up the wall.

His squirming caught Keith's attention, and the janitor raised an eyebrow, but recognition flashed through his eyes and he knew what the problem was. Keith had stuck around Sparxie enough to recognize the scent of Fae dust, and so he had a fair idea of why Zack was twitching.

The janitor strolled over, not really fussed and at a slow pace (further prolonging Zack's suffering), clapping a hand on Zack's shoulder and leaning down slightly to whisper in his ear, just loud enough for the others to hear.

"I'll talk to you later, got stuff to handle. Next time; don't try to piss off the vindictive Fae and make sure you update her on your schedule, then she won't have the incentive to leave you with a Five-Day-Itch."

Zack almost sighed in relief as he felt Sparxie scramble out of his shirt and zip up into Keith's sleeve, the man not even flinching from the residual dust. He soon left after that, strolling off like he didn't have a fuming Fae up his sleeve, and no one besides him (and Reno) had a clue.

"Fae, Zack? What are you doing involved with a Fae?" Angeal looked worried.

Ah.

Keith did that on purpose.

Zack tried to escape but was easily caught, and now he was stuck with three SOLDIER's (and a Turk) who were very interested in when and where he had encountered a Fae. They were notoriously rare and he hadn't recently been assigned a mission in areas where they were found.

His failed escape attempt didn't help his guilty expression at all (he hated lying to Angeal).

He had a feeling he was going to whine about this to Cloud later when he met up with the crew tomorrow. And ask if he could keep his big-ah-little, (it was hard to tell with the age gap) brother in check and not get him into these sort of situations.

 _Six hours later . . . and three First-Class SOLDIER's less._

"Hey, Reno? Can I ask you a favor?"

"What sort of Favor are ya talkin' 'bout, yo?"

"Well, the gang need a place to meet and I was wondering if I could use the fourth Gym on the 67th floor for it. No-one's booked it for weeks and no-one will be booking it for about another six months until the new Cadets get settled in."

Keith had mentioned it was open, having undergone some maintenance and wouldn't be up and running for the SOLDIER's use after they had a very . . . well, intense game of frisbee with a 20kg weight. It didn't need to be mentioned that Zack may have been the reason it started in the first place. The SOLDIER director hadn't been pleased when he got the memo.

"Sure, I can look into it."

Zack didn't want to ask Keith, since he left him to be lectured by the three SOLDIER's for four hours about why he shouldn't be looking for Fae, and was forced to explain that said Fae had instead gone looking for him.

And he didn't even want to explain why he knew a Fae.

"You sure? I mean, the last time I tried, I ended up interrupting the Cadets Materia lesson and Flyboy wouldn't pick me up for the next three times I got stranded until I offered a couple of Materia from my personal stash. That Pilot can be very vindictive, especially since the damages ended up getting the SHINRA plane budget cut. He wasn't happy with me for that when he found out."

"You call Highwind _Flyboy_ , yo? _And he lets you?!_ "

"Why not? We're in the same gang. We all have handles that we call each other by. Highwind goes by Flyboy, I go by Guard Hound."

"Really, yo? Why haven't I heard of this, then?"

"Well, Avalanche was really popular over in the Western Continent, but we haven't exactly started to make inroads here…"

" _AVALANCHE_? Yo, I don't know man. I might have to go up to the bossman for this. It sounds like you need pretty hefty security."

"Security would be great! I don't really like remembering what happened the last time we didn't have security…."

Reno shuddered as he recalled the incident . .. . that would never be mentioned again as copious amounts of alcohol had been consumed to forget the events of that night.

"I'm not talking about that one either, Reno. The one I'm thinking of would have you fainting, not shuddering."

Well, now his interest was piqued.

-o0o-

"I'm serious Bossman. Zack definitely said AVALANCHE was the gang he was in, yo."

"This is serious, could we possibly detain him for questioning?"

"I got a better idea, yo. He even asked me for it. And we might be able to get ourselves quite the juicy intel too."

Veld didn't look all that fussed, Keith would have talked to him if one of his wayward sons was involved with the terrorist group, in fact, he actually looked rather amused at Reno's panicking, and told them to go right ahead.

Omael and Keith couldn't deny him a reunion with his 'dead' partner, and so it would be quite entertaining to watch his second in command and Keith's other wayward son discover the 'gang' that Fair was a part of.

Judging from the quiet chuckle he heard from the vents, Vincent was of the same mindset.

Perhaps they could record it . . .

-o0o-

Cloud wasn't happy. Cloud was the exact _opposite_ of happy. And it had everything to do with those bumbling muscle-bound meatheads SHINRA called some of their finest SOLDIERs.

First, they had insinuated that he wasn't strong enough to lift _anything_ simply due to his appearance. Then, after he had yelled at them for that, they had started tossing around the transport crates and boxes like there _wasn't sensitive and expensive electronics inside them oh Gaia are they STUPID_. Finally, after he had yelled at them for _that_ they had proven to have a malfunction in memory retention because they had started in on his strength _yet again_.

Needless to say, Cloud wasn't impressed by the very military he had dreamed of joining the first time around.

The Turks were everywhere, which was surprisingly comforting, and there wasn't a sign of any 'adoring' (read, rabid and vicious) fans around. Cloud could find himself relaxing if he wasn't careful, and he needed his guard up so that the idiots he'd been put in charge of didn't destroy the rather sensitive equipment.

He, honestly, couldn't wait until he could start practice. There were several songs he wanted to tweak the vocals on, and he had several others he had just finished that he wanted opinions for music on. He was looking forward to the next album, as he had decided to include his true vocal range in it, and he was sure that he would be shocking so many of his 'adoring' fans with how he could truly sing. It was actually one of his favorite stress-relief activities before returning, and finding out his range had been included in the 'up-grade' package when he had returned to this time was only the icing on the cake.

Keith was busy with work stuff, so he wasn't there to sort these idiots who had the gall to call themselves military men and whip them into shape (all the SOLDIERs feared Keith after a rather memorable wrestling match with Angeal that left the burly First sporting a dislocated hip, no one should be that flexible), which meant Cloud had to deal with this mess for another hour, probably two given the rate of progress they were making.

He was nearing close to screaming in frustration and calling Keith up to deal with these morons, when his saving grace came in the form of their resident brooding vampire.

Vincent of course was dressed in his usual red cloak, but wore a typical Turk suit underneath, causing the newbie Turks in the area to do a double take as most of them hadn't seen this Turk before.

"Had fun spooking the staff?"

Cloud was quite sure from the unholy smirk on Vincent's face, the ex-Turk (now a full fledged Turk once again) had visited an old colleague of his that certainly would have a heart attack at the sight of someone he had shot dead and experimented on waltzing into his office.

"Quite." Was Vincent's reply, the crimson-eyed man glancing about and frowning at the rather obvious progress (which wasn't much) the SOLDIERs had made.

"Yeah, I know. It's a nightmare." Cloud gestured to the few boxes that hadn't been tossed around like toys stacked in a neat pile while the other boxes were spread haphazardly around the room.

"Well, you know what they say. If you want something done right, do it yourself. Here, I'll help with your rig if you help me with mine."

"These dickheads think I can't lift a thing. It's both irritating and mortifying that they think I can't lift a single box."

"You are rather . . . petite."

"You know that doesn't mean a thing."

"Too true."

Cloud had plenty of chances to test his skills hadn't gone rusty, and unfortunately Vincent had been the only one of the team in close vicinity for him to practice on.

Speaking of said SOLDIER's . . .

They had all paused to stare at the Turk that had strolled in, abandoning their task and Cloud just snapped.

"That's it, I'm calling Keith."

Said man was not happy to be interrupted as he had been gutting a vent that had been clogged due to another of Hollanders blunders, storming down ten minutes later with a screeching monster (that was some mix of a lizard and bird if Cloud's guess was correct) perched on his shoulders, and took out his frustration on the SOLDIERs.

Needless to say, they picked up the pace very quickly.

The monster occasionally spitting out acid was a great motivator, and it's screeching was murder on the ears.

-o0o-

The rest of the crew arrived later that evening; Cid having been the one to pick them up since he was the pilot. No one trusted Yuffie to drive any sort of vehicle without crashing it; point in case their first drive to Rocket Town from Costa del Sol. (They praised every god in existence that Cid knew how to fix truck engines and Yuffie was banned from driving from that point on).

Luckily none of the equipment had been broken from their mishandling, the few boxes that had gotten damaged held bunches of wires and cables, although they nearly lost a bunch of guitar stands and Keith went ballistic at the loud crash they made when the box tore open.

But that had been the fault of the SOLDIERs that hadn't heeded the warning Cloud had given, and so Keith had the pleasure of 'discipling' them.

The janitor was fuming in a corner, joining Cid and stealing a smoke from their favourite pilot, the monster still perched on his shoulder and seemed to be enjoy chewing on the longer strands of Keith's hair. At this point, Keith didn't really care and absentmindedly petted it every now and then, further freaking the SOLDIERs out whom fled once Cloud decided they were causing more harm than good.

For such a petite little thing, he sure was strong. Evidenced by the way he had thrown a First-Class that was heavier than even _Angeal_ through two walls as well as the doors to the gym. Cloud just levelled his best snarling glare (which was surprisingly effective) at the rest of the troublemakers and sent them fleeing after that.

Sephiroth had made a note of the troublemaker's names. They were going to find themselves back in cadet classes alongside the cadets seeing as how they couldn't bring themselves to take orders properly from the designated 'Mission Head'. That is, if the Tower survived the chaos that was coming. Seph hadn't gotten a good look at what appeared to be metal braces, the wires were indicative enough of the contents of the other crates, but he was surprised that the only casualty was the idiot that had gotten himself thrown through two walls and nothing else bar the Draconic Blonde had blown up.

-o0o-

Hearing that Zack was in some sort of gang was hard enough for Angeal to believe, but once seeing the equipment being unloaded into the warehouse put his mind at ease.

Well, only to some degree.

Those crates of wires, and that metal bracing really worried him. The amount of boxes there were definitely something to be concerned about.

Although he was surprised to see Cid Highwind back in Midgar after the last confrontation between the pilot and Heidegger. It had been nice to see the portly man put in his place (Angeal had long since given up trying to find any good in the Department Head).

Angeal head snapped around at the shout his precocious puppy had let out though.

"Cloudy! I hope you brought the stuff! AVALANCHE is going to be a BIG hit here, I just know it!"

Nope, he spoke too soon.

"Sharpshooter has yours, and I made sure to include the new electric. Now be a good Guard Hound and let the Ultima situate the Set uh?" The rather draconic blonde had given a small, fondly amused smile at the black haired SOLDIER.

Both Genesis and Angeal leapt to restrain Sephiroth who had almost lunged at the small blonde, apparently still quite insistent on knowing about this Turk despite Keith's warning.

Said janitor was still sharing a pack of cigarettes with Highwind, and Angeal didn't even want to know what specimen Keith had wrangled off of Hollander, apparently not giving a rat's ass about the chaos that was sure to ensue.

After the black-haired Sephiroth look-a-like had set up the crates where indicated by the scrawny powerhouse, the infamous puppy leapt at them like his namesake.

Upon ripping off the lid, the ravenette then let out a whoop and grabbed one of the metal braces from the broken box before running back to the crate and setting up a very expensive electric guitar.

"Who thought it was a good idea to let the Puppy have access to an instrument?" Genesis muttered as they finally managed to get Sephiroth to sit down on a chair, hands firmly on his shoulders to prevent him from approaching the blonde with the intention to pry for information.

Angeal could only shrug at this, he had one experience with letting Zack try an instrument out, and still suffered from tinnitus at times due to his student wanting to test out the range of an amplifier. Not to mention the damage fees he had to pay the shop as all the windows had been blown out.

That's when the drum kit was brought out and set up. The symbol on the front of it promptly caught Sephiroth's attention.

He went lax under their fingers, causing both fellow First Class to glance down at the silverette wondering what on earth could have quenched his thirst for knowledge.

Only to find him with his eyes rolled right back into his head and a slight pool of saliva on his collar from his open mouth.

It took them a good minute, blinking in disbelief, to realise that their friend had actually **fainted**.

It was needless to say that they both panicked.

Sephiroth had never fainted before, but apparently this was the first of many such incidents to come.

-o0o-

Zack had looked over at the yell his mentor had given off.

The sight of Sephiroth unconscious had the rest of the room freezing.

Cloud, meanwhile, just cocked an eyebrow and went about helping the others set their stations up.

It was to this that Reeve walked into the room, helping his robotic 'pet' haul in the pieces to a portable recording studio.

He took one look at the unconscious General, before huffing a laugh and producing a small bottle of smelling salts.

"Here, try this. He's been obsessed with the music discs I had given him, so it's no surprise that he fainted when confronted with the source of said music."

Zack suddenly went very still, and began staring at Sephiroth while not moving a single muscle.

Angeal had to shiver, he had seen that look in Zack's eyes only once before and had no desire to learn the cause of it.

"Alright, Seph's fainted. He'll be fine. He did the same thing when I introduced him to a Nibel Wolf when he was two." Keith had strolled over while they had been freaking out, snubbing the butt of his cigarette on the bottom of his boots and flicking a finger gently on the General's cheek.

There was a small twitch but Sephiroth remained unconscious, Keith ran a hand through his hair (not at all bothered when he found the spit covered strands) and exhaled.

"He'll probably be out for another five minutes I would guess. Might be a bit jumpy when he comes too, so I would step back a bit."

Zack merely glared, stepping up to be a little aways in front of the silverette.

"Why did you introduce him to a Nibel Wolf when he was two?" Genesis asked, intrigued while Angeal was somewhat horrified.

"Omael let me babysit him, and I smelt like the wolves from the night before. Seph was interested in the smell and Omael trusted me to keep him safe. So I thought I would educate him on the wildlife. Those wolves actually took a liking to him once he got used to their presence."

"Remind me to never let him babysit my kids." A technician nearby muttered under his breath, only to freeze when Keith's eyes settled on him. The janitor raised an eyebrow and the technician fled the room.

Sephiroth suddenly bolted upright, coming face-to-face with a very still Zack that had an aura reminiscent of the Code Green Angeal had when Zack had gotten mixed up in an office mistake involving the mission assignments when he was a third.

"Zack?"

"The last time I introduced what I thought was a friend to the gang, do you know what they did?"

"No?" Sephiroth's voice went to a slightly higher pitch than usual, clearly needing a few minutes to reboot after fainting, but Zack was sort of in his 'move it or lose it' protective mode which many had seen before when it came to cadets getting bullied.

"He snuck into the camp we had set up. Ransacked through our bags to find the dirty laundry. Then had the hide to ask an underaged pre-teen girl, an underaged master martial artist, and an underaged scrawny mercenary that can wield a sword bigger and heavier than even 'Geal's BUSTER, to sign their own dirty underwear so he could have souvenirs that functioned as proof of the meeting."

Keith coughed awkwardly in the silence that followed, as if he had already known about this and obviously hated it when the 'incident' was brought up.

Reno made a gargled choking noise in his throat and promptly fainted into his partner's arms.

Rude was so shocked that he actually showed expression on his face as he hauled Reno's limp body over to a chair.

And the SOLDIER's?

Well . . .

They were at a loss for words. _THAT is what got Lieutenant Third-Class Sinclair decommissioned?_

-o0o-

 _A/N: I seriously do not remember how this came about, but we both decided to chuck it up and see what response there was. So I hope you've enjoyed, it's absolutely boiling over here, what the weather like for you guys I wonder?_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_

 **I mentioned a song that I like (Skinny Love by Birdie, now that I think about it) and mentioned a scene with some characters from FFVII. It ran away with us, and we didn't even get to use the very scene that sparked this whole thing off.**

 **ChaosBalance signing out!**


	2. Chp2GettingTheTrueStoryGloatingMaterial

**Reno finally learns what his cousin did to earn the bands ire.**

-o0o-

 _So . . . A reviewer really liked this and wanted more. We sort of kept it open so there could be more chapters, and so here's the 2nd one!_

 **So, we were kinda mean to a group of SOLDIERs, but what that boy did was inexcusable!**

Disclaimer: Any character recognized belongs to their respective owners.

-o0o-

 _ **Chapter 2:**_ ** _Getting The True Story + Gloating Material_**

-o0o-

Sephiroth looked aghast at the story, Genesis was looking quite queasy and even Angeal tried to keep his stoic composure (but they all heard him make a disgusted noise in the back of his throat).

Everyone was momentarily distracted by the fainted Reno, so no one noticed someone rushing out of the building to go throw up.

"So, should we wake him up?" Yuffie pointed at Reno, and most likely would have poked his cheek if not for Rude standing protectively next to his partner (Turk partners were for life, after all).

"Eh, probably. Knowing him, he'll want the story. He's still a bit . . . bitter towards his family." Keith muttered, throwing Rude the smelling salts which were very quickly utilised.

The moment Reno came to, the redhead practically threw himself at Zack begging for the story so he could one-up that pompous dick at the next family gathering.

Since Reno and Zack were both brothers in all but blood, Zack knew a fair bit about how Reno's family basically kicked him out for wanting to become a Turk. With this in mind, there was no way he wasn't going to tell the story.

With Cloud's permission of course.

One glance at the blonde and seeing the merc nod in response, Zack pulled up a chair and began the tale.

"So, this happened when we were camped outside Corel . . ."

-o0o-

 ** _*Flashback*_**

 _"All the inns are booked, so we're camping tonight."_

 _Many of the SOLDIERs groaned at the thought, after a long mission battling cave monsters, they all wanted a good bed to sleep in._

 _But Second-Class Corporal Dawkins wasn't taking any of their crap._

 _"Suck it up men, life ain't a bunch of chocolate and roses, you'll get nowhere acting like a bunch of prissy upper folk." The man from Kalm had crawled his way up from under the plate, so no one could say they had it worse._

 _It was during while they were scouting a campsite that he noticed a familiar face._

 _"Hello Corporal, are we sharing the campsite?" Zack queiried while inclining his head in the direction of the mis-matched group of tents behind him._

 _"Seems we are Fair, heard your mission was successful. Decided to stick around?" Dawkins smiled as the younger Second-Class tried to see if he could recognize anyone assigned to their mission, Angeal's student was a much better subordinate compared to these whiners._

 _"I had another engagement here, which is why I took that mission in the first place. As long as I get a mission done before or after my 'leave of absence' none of the brass mind much."_

 _"I get you." The management really needed an upgrade, as Dawkins had seen many lesser SOLDIER's take advantage of being out of the executive eye once missions were over. It had cost the company a couple of scandals, and the younger generation of SOLDIERs still had to learn discipline._

 _"Well, I couldn't leave the band without their primary drummer now, could I? Brass knows I have other responsibilities,and that I make sure nothing conflicts. It's easier now we have our manager running schedules."_

 _"Any manager's better than SHINRA's . . . that's off the record."_

 _"Won't mention it. Any particular troublemakers to watch out for?"_

 _Dawkins frowned, trying to recall which SOLDIERs were the most annoying during the mission, he jotted down a list and passed it to Zack, it never hurt to be cautious. And Zack knew all the SOLDIERs faces, so all he needed were the names._

 _"Thanks, see you around!" Zack grinned, trotting back off to his fire pit with a skip in his step._

 _Dawkins turned back to the baby SOLDIERs, watching as a tent crumpled and a few SOLDIERs hadn't even gotten their tents up._

 _Letting out an exasperated sigh, he went to go help them. Sometimes he really hated these city boys._

 _-o0o-_

 _Cloud returned to the campsite to see that it had been invaded by SHINRA issue single person tents._

 _Zack was tending to the fire pit, making sure that the roasting spit was working correctly and wouldn't collapse, while chattering to a Second-Class that looked worn through._

 _Judging by the way several tents fell inward to yelps when the slight breeze wafted over them, he could see why the Second was so frazzled._

 _Making his way over, Cloud promptly dumped the carcass of the deer he had caught onto the tarp Zack had prepared beforehand._

 _"Should have told me we were having guests, would've got more."_

 _He saw the Second-Class's eyes widen at the sight of First Tsurugi hanging assembled on his back._

 _Custom swords weren't a big thing in SHINRA since no one really had the paycheck to afford one, so seeing one was like a godsend for a SOLDIER who actually appreciated swordsmanship._

 _"These city slickers probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway." The Second chuckled, tossing another stick into the fire and smirking as he heard another SOLDIER cry in frustration as another tent fell. "They're used to processed meat, they don't understand how great game meat tastes."_

 _"Amen to that." Zack chuckled, beginning to skin the carcass while the Second took over tending to the fire._

 _"Why deer anyway? There are plenty of rabbits around."_

 _"It's no Wolf meat, but it'll do. Rabbits won't fill a Mako enhanced appetite with any certainty. Takes more energy to catch 'em and there is very little meat on those bones."_

 _The Second glanced up from the fire, eyes widening slightly as he took in Cloud's appearance._

 _"Ah, a Nibel man. Don't see many of you folk with that colouring." Most people from Nibelheim had darker hair and eyes, light coloured hair and blue eyes belonged to the Eastern Continents._

 _They had a very pleasant conversation over dinner, the other members of the group joining in while the SOLDIER's dug into their rations and tried to keep their tents upright._

 _"Well, time to prepare. Zack, Vincent, Yuffie, head out directly to the stage. Tifa, get Barrett and Cid outta the town bar and unlock the gates. I'll tune the speaker set and get the mix board ready."_

 _"Can these guys come?"_

 _"I trust you Zack, your call."_

 _"May as well let them have something to remember of this miserable night out." Dawkins cackled, Zack had passed the man a few beers (he certainly deserved it). "They may be city slickers, but they can still appreciate good music."_

 _No one realised just how memorable that night would truly be._

 _-o0o-_

 _It was during the intermission when several of the SOLDIERs left the concert, claiming tiredness or a wish to check out the Corel nightlife._

 _While many of them actually did what they told Dawkins they were going to do, one of them was a big fat, bold-faced liar._

 _After the show was over, and Dawkins left to go round up the SOLDIER's still wandering the town, that the group found they had a problem._

 _One of their number was missing. And he wasn't among their group's tents at the campsite._

 _Getting the resting SOLDIERs out of their sleeping bags, Dawkins had the entire squad searching the town for the missing Third-Class._

 _"Of course it's Sinclair, that twerp, once I get my hands on him!" Sinclair was the worst of the bunch, even though he was a Lieutenant, he really had done nothing to earn that title. He had caused the most problems during the mission; seemingly he was the most pampered of the lot. His parents had obviously raised him with the idea he could get whatever he wanted, as he was smart, handsome and talented, so his attitude was quite crass as a result._

 _Upon meeting the band in town, and notifying them of the missing SOLDIER, Zack began to look uneasy. Catching Cloud's eye, Zack notified the band, and they all headed off to the campsite._

 _It wasn't until there was a scream, that the missing SOLDIER was found._

 _And Dawkins really, really, wished that this particular SOLDIER had simply stayed missing._

 _-o0o-_

 _Upon arriving back to the campsite, Cloud noticed that it was a little too quiet._

 _It was eerie, that silence, before it was broken by an deep inhale coming from the band's side of the camp._

 _Walking into the ring of tents revealed the gang's dirty laundry strewn all around the area, and in the centre of the mess stood the missing SOLDIER sniffing at something in his hands._

 _When the SOLDIER noticed the gang had returned, he walked over._

 _"Mind signing these for me? I want proof I actually met you."_

 _What was presented had Yuffie screaming blue murder, and Cloud going Green. Tifa was cracking her knuckles and her left eye was twitching._

 _Dawkins actually choked on his own spit._

 _No one could blame them for what happened next, I mean, who wouldn't beat up a creepy ass 20 year old who was asking three rather young teenagers to sign their own dirty underwear?!_

 _It was only until Sinclair was on the verge of passing out, did Dawkins intervene._

 _But oh, oh no, he didn't stop them because it was wrong._

 _It was because he needed to get his own say in._

 _While Sinclair had been screaming while being beaten to a bloody pulp, he let out an almighty high pitched screech when Dawkins grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him off towards the SOLDIER side of the camp._

 _"When we get back to Midgar, I'm going to do everything in my power to have you kicked out of SHINRA! I'll even drag in the Head Janitor too! He'll cut you down to size!"_

 _Most SOLDIER's shuddered, the Head Janitor was a force to be reckoned with, even though he had only been in the position for two years now, the company was well aware that if there was ever a power struggle between the President and the Head Janitor, the Janitor would come out on top._

 _Not to mention his rather creative punishments, the last guy who had been sent to the man for punishment wound up helping sort through garbage as most people didn't know how to recycle, and after a day spent in the foul smelling pile of trash . . ._

 _The guy had been crying for mercy, his nose was never the same (his sense of smell had become so dull that the only things he could smell were highly fermented or rotten food)._

 _Sinclair struggles were futile, Dawkins giving the three fuming teenagers a small nod of apology as he passed them, and they could hear his grumbling as he continued to drag the younger man off._

 _By now Sinclair was just whimpering, trying to ease the pressure on his earlobe, but Dawkins was determined to tear his ear off, it didn't matter if it was physically or verbally._

 ** _*FLASHBACK END*_**

"So that's why he's got that permanent indent on his ear, he said he got nicked by a bullet in battle." Reno snickered, elbows perched on his knees as he held a hand over his forehead.

"I bullied Lazard into giving Dawkins a vacation after they came back, he told me everything and I had Sinclair for a few cleaning sessions before the company 'discharged' him from service." Keith muttered, the lizard-bird hybrid resting on his shoulders letting out a squawk in as if it was in agreement.

"Worst part was, Yuffie was 10 at the time while Tifa and me were 14." Cloud shrugged, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face, which was mirrored on the other two that had been victims of Sinclair's perverted actions.

Reno choked as he heard this, but they all heard him mutter under his breath "I am so bringing this up at the next family reunion."

And he had good reason to. From what Reno had told Keith, his cousin was still as pompous as ever and all of his relatives thought he got discharged for an attitude problem (which was plausible as his behaviour could annoy the most patient of teachers), so to hear the true reason why he had been kicked out of Shinra, perhaps that would stop them from comparing him to said cousin.

Being a pervert was certainly worse than being a Turk.

Especially a pervert that was aimed at young teens. It was almost pedophilia, and anyone would be disgusted by that.

"Now you have blackmail material to flaunt over your cousin. Kick him down a few pegs for me please." Zack grinned, and Reno almost cackled at the idea.

Man, the cousin must have certainly been a dick if Reno was this happy about having blackmail material over him.

-o0o-

 ** _OMAKE_**

-o0o-

Reno was happy to report that his cousin was now the black sheep of the family, and his parents had cut all connections to their son once learning he was a pervert.

Reno's dad and his brother had played around under the plate before, but they wouldn't stoop that low. Even they had standards

Said cousin had been blacklisted from all establishments in Midgar, and apparently left town to go find employment elsewhere where his identity wasn't known.

Reno was a vindictive son of a bitch (but everyone knew that), and using his variety of contacts and computer skills, his cousin would have plenty of trouble finding employment.

-o0o-

 _A/N: And another update in the same day, I'm just flinging these out . . . It's going to be a while before the next update, so enjoy this for now I guess._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_

 **It will be a while, you have work after all.**

 **ChaosBalance signing out!**


End file.
